It’s been a minute

IMG_1302.JPGLast year was hard. I began solo pastoring in October (although I felt like I was on my own way before that). Then I experienced some trauma in the fall that caused me to be heavily medicated to the point of being a zombie at times. I almost lost my job – or at least felt like that was a real possibility and today I’m back in that same boat.

That said, however, as I come back to life, feeling that resurrection is truly real, my creative self has been bursting at the seams. I’ve been writing poetry again, drawing, and making jewelry as gifts with my dear friends and parishioners.

The Spirit is surely movin’! So I thought I’d drop a few poems right here in case folks are still keeping up.

…..

I’ve been writing again, feeling inspired by my mom who has been in inpatient rehab for two week nows. The few times I’ve talked to her she sounded GREAT. She fills me with so much hope and inspiration.

But here’s another piece I wrote yesterday, recalling what it was like growing up with a loving parent who was also an alcoholic.

Chaos

I don’t mind chaos or complicated things – both feel like familiar friends.
Life is chaotic, it always has been.

Being the child of an alcoholic,
I/we waited for the chaos to come,
And come it would.

Screaming threats, “your ass is grass!”
Followed by morning/mourning apologies scribbled on tiny slips of paper,
slid under the door.

I thought they were sweet at first, genuine even; until it happened again, and again, and again.

Now the apologies only seem to serve her; they’re part of the cycle of chaos that has gone on for far too long.

Now the apologies feel like excuses;
“I was tired,” she said.
“I was overwhelmed,” she said.
“You disrespected me,” she said.

Breathe deep.
Maybe this night –
I will actually get some sleep.

Praying there will be no more notes
in the morning/mourning.

…..

A few weeks ago I preached about the ways in which Jesus redefines family as “those who do the will of god.” This poem was inspired by that.

Holy/Wholly Connected
(based on Genesis 2:23, 29:14; Mark 3:35, Matthew 12:50, Luke 8:21)

‘Family’ is such a queer concept, especially according to Jesus.
It goes beyond biology or blood; but rather refers to the people with whom we have shared commitments, covenants, and dreams of a better world.

We break bread and drink from the well that over flows, together.
We struggle against oppression and the ‘powers that be,’ together.
We challenge and transform our hurts into healing, together.

We get free together.

Because we know that too many members of our human family have been put in cages or worse, they’ve been buried in early graves because we didn’t do the work together.

In other words…

I want a ride or die family.
Those who are for me,
not against me.

People to build and create with;
Those who wanna bring about God’s kin-dom of heaven and live into the other world that is possible.

I wanna rebirth.
I wanna remember that we all come from the earth.
Adamah, the human one,
formed from the mud
and God’s life giving breath.

“Breathe deep,” She said.
“You need a companion,” She said.

“Humans are not meant to be alone.”

Bone of my bones,
We are Holy/Wholly Connected

…..

if you’re interested in the other creative things I’ve been doing – drawing and making jewlwery, check out my face book: alli baker or my instagram rev_rude.

Keep it real fam,

pastor alli

 

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